If you know me you know that I struggle with body image quite a lot. I am constantly belittling my appearance and referring to myself as fat and unpretty. I think most of my low self esteem stems from my clothes no longer fitting properly.
Last year I dropped 40 pounds. I looked and felt great for the first time since… Ever. I’m a pretty tall girl; I am 5’9″ and my feet are the size of a small country (size 10). I got myself down to a size 14, which was pretty impressive to me considering I only wanted to be a size 12. I loved the way I looked.
In February of this year I began gaining weight very quickly. I gained back 30 pounds in a matter of two and a half months. My doctor has urged me to get my thyroid checked but I haven’t yet. I am hoping that there is nothing wrong with it but it’s common in my family to have thyroid disorders so I wouldn’t be surprised.
My size 14’s began getting tighter, so I brought out my 16’s, and then my 18’s which fit if you don’t count the muffin top. And that’s what is so discouraging. None of my clothes fit anymore so what I see in the mirror isn’t pretty. I don’t see attractive when I look at myself and instead all I see staring back at me are fat rolls upon fat rolls swimming in fat rolls. When I put on my clothes all I see is unflattering and that’s probably why I’m so hard on myself.
So with that being said, I am going to try to buy an outfit or two a week to rebuild my wardrobe and help me get my self esteem back up.
Today I bought a pair of ankle jeans (pictured), a black and grey maxi skirt, and a black tank too (also pictured). Buying just three things that I felt comfortable in boosted my self esteem a lot. I’m not sure if it’s the retail therapy talking or a genuine boost in my confidence but I like it regardless.